Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The Blowout

I spend a lot of time down at "the boathouse." That's where we row. As a matter of fact I spend so much time down there that this blog was created to NOT think about it. So I only mention the boathouse because this story takes place in the parking lot.

Yesterday some Creatures were trying to roll out after training. Naturally they wanted to roll in the Quest van, because of the comfort provided by the cardboard boxes and other miscellaneous debris you might associate with homelessness that litter the interior. The Quest-mobile is quite a machine, kind of like the Magic School Bus meets the Bang Bus. However instead of being filled with curious kids of many ethnicities or 5 guys jerking off, it's filled with Creatures of the AQ. OK maybe like 1 guy jerking off.


Just when you thought this ride could not possibly pick up chicks any easier, you meet the owner. This magical machine is piloted by one of my boyz in the AQ: Wheelz.

The first thing you think when you see Wheelz in person is, "How does that thing even function?" Wheelz sometimes gets made fun of for his lack of coordination, but if you ask me he functions pretty damn well for a Creature with that particular shape. Not to mention he has bicycle wheels for feet. Every time he makes it down the stairs without falling, I'm pretty impressed. And to answer your question ladies, yes, that tuft of adolescent pubes on his upper lip is reserved for mustache rides.

So today Wheelz is piloting the Quest-mobile out of the parking lot and he wants to be extra awesome.

Awesomeness, a step-by-step guide:

1. Play A-Team on car stereo at max volume

2. Try to burn out in a minivan

3. Do it with the sliding door open

Sadly today step 3 led to the sliding door flying open at a velocity capable of completely separating the window from the door frame. It met the pavement at 60 mph and they did not get along. And now the Quest van will complete its transformation into a homeless shelter when people climb through the plastic bag window and start inhabiting Wheelz' pimp mobile.

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