Always Doin' Good Things

Our fearless leader here at the AQ (referred to as F.T.) loves to check in with our daily activities. He presides over us like a caring shepherd. And we are his unruly and incompetent sheep. He tries to make sure we aren't unwittingly harming ourselves or anything in our immediate vicinity by inquiring if we are "Doin' good things?" I guess it's usually more of a "holler" than an "inquiry"...but it's probably best that he is spared from the details of the sheep's daily routine.

What I've learned to be another Rule of the AQ is to always respond with the affirmative, even if you're not sure if what you're doing is necessarily a "Good Thing."

Brushing your teeth?  That's a Good Thing!
Making spaghetti?  Yep, Good stuff!
Reading this blog?? Extra Good!!

I think you get the picture. So go out there, and do Good Things. F.T. will appreciate it.

Rules of the AQ

1. No girls.

 

Sometimes hazy.

2. Drink coffee. Be a man. Double espresso.

3. Toilets are overused. Keep it tidy.

Bottom right applies to windows as well.

The Blowout

I spend a lot of time down at "the boathouse." That's where we row. As a matter of fact I spend so much time down there that this blog was created to NOT think about it. So I only mention the boathouse because this story takes place in the parking lot.

Yesterday some Creatures were trying to roll out after training. Naturally they wanted to roll in the Quest van, because of the comfort provided by the cardboard boxes and other miscellaneous debris you might associate with homelessness that litter the interior. The Quest-mobile is quite a machine, kind of like the Magic School Bus meets the Bang Bus. However instead of being filled with curious kids of many ethnicities or 5 guys jerking off, it's filled with Creatures of the AQ. OK maybe like 1 guy jerking off.

Just when you thought this ride could not possibly pick up chicks any easier, you meet the owner. This magical machine is piloted by one of my boyz in the AQ: Wheelz.

The first thing you think when you see Wheelz in person is, "How does that thing even function?" Wheelz sometimes gets made fun of for his lack of coordination, but if you ask me he functions pretty damn well for a Creature with that particular shape. Not to mention he has bicycle wheels for feet. Every time he makes it down the stairs without falling, I'm pretty impressed. And to answer your question ladies, yes, that tuft of adolescent pubes on his upper lip is reserved for mustache rides.

So today Wheelz is piloting the Quest-mobile out of the parking lot and he wants to be extra awesome.

Awesomeness, a step-by-step guide:

1. Play A-Team on car stereo at max volume

2. Try to burn out in a minivan

3. Do it with the sliding door open

Sadly today step 3 led to the sliding door flying open at a velocity capable of completely separating the window from the door frame. It met the pavement at 60 mph and they did not get along. And now the Quest van will complete its transformation into a homeless shelter when people climb through the plastic bag window and start inhabiting Wheelz' pimp mobile.

Creatures of the AQ, Part 2

In Princeton, your meal options are limited when your income is equivalent to the average dry cleaning bill. Thankfully we have a place called Olive's that serves up goodness when you want to escape the cereal, canned beans, and mac n cheese diet. (I don't like to cook so I eat almost exclusively at Olive's, basically my USOC funding direct deposits into their cash registers). But we'll save Olives for later, this is about the CREATURES.

Today I wanted to go to Olive's like always, but I thought it might be nice to have some company so I strolled down to my good friend Ox's room.

Ox is a polarizer. Just like the Oakley lenses he wears 24/7. Some people think he's being mean, and sometimes they're right...too bad for you stop being soft. Ox seems to have a very strong opinion about everything too. His opinions are so strong, they'll beat the crap out of your opinions even if they are the same, so don't try and argue. Also he drives a Prius, which is a great eco-friendly mode of transport to Olive's .

I was trying to motivate Ox to stop watching Nip Tuck on his iPhone and leave for Olive's when something foul blasted my nostrils. I knew that burnt diaper smell could only originate from one place.

That's right, Chuck. Chuck is Ox's roommate and a very nice guy. A very nice guy who's dirty laundry smells like regurgitated cheese. He also might be the smartest guy I know, but odor control clearly was not part of his Yale education. Once he's sold his tutoring business for millions of dollars, I'm going to make him hire a laundry service or install a clothes incinerator.

Regardless of his smell, Chuck is da bomb, but he couldn't join us at Olive's because he was busy makin deals. So, I scanned the basement for one of my favorite creatures.

Everyone seems to have their own reason, but they agree that the Big Soft is an aptly named fellow. Ladykiller might be the only better way to describe him. His pouty lips are every woman's (and gay man's) dream and to top it off he shows his sensitive side 100% of the time. Basically when Justin Bieber hits puberty he will transmogrify into a Big Soft.

Sadly instead of spending all of his time slaying chicks sensitively he usually has his headphones on listening to emo rock at a moderate volume. So he couldn't hear my invitations to join Ox and I at the fine Olive's institute of dining. I knew what I was in for so I left all my opinions at the AQ and enjoyed a zesty salmon dinner. Tomorrow will be another day with the Creatures of the AQ...

Creatures of the AQ, Part 1

So I mentioned that I'm staying in a house. A Christian house with a full-service chapel. This place is affectionately referred to by those who have stayed here as "The AQ." The abbreviation reminds me of the five-star hotel chain called "The W,"but there are a few differences:

The W: Air Conditioning
The AQ: Some windows that open partially

W: At least 1 toilet per room
AQ: At least 1 person pooing on every toilet

W: Room service
AQ: Prayer service

The differences go on, but one is the most important: The W doesn't care about rowers, and the AQ loves us and takes us in.

"Us," the topic of this post. I thought I would introduce some of the people that I get to live with, those who inspire me every day, the creatures of the AQ. We are numerous (about 20 of us occupy the house), but I have to start somewhere. Yesterday I was watching The Empire Strikes Back, and I was joined by two of my favorite creatures: Greg and B. Lazy.

Greg is a softie in the body of a wildebeest. Once you get past the tough-guy exterior, he's really a sweetheart. His native habitat is Los Angeles, but everyone seems to think that his species originates in Armenia. Greg's favorite food is honey, I think that might be why he's so sweet on the inside.

On the other end of the couch sat B. Lazy, who is a softie in the body of a softie.

B. Lazy is predominately a thinker. He has seen every YouTube video ever created. Nothing escapes his analysis, and he has an opinion to offer on every topic. Including contemporary wizard novels. He prefers to be called Dr. B. Lazy, PhD. He could audition to be XX's most interesting man in the world, but he wouldn't get the job.

Creatures even more heinous than these dwell in the hallowed halls of AQ, but Greg and Dr. B. Lazy PhD are the first to be mentioned because they were watching The Empire Strikes Back with me, which inspired the cartoon below.

PRINCESS LEIA AND R2

Video of the Day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJl0XuDKSjc

Mark A. Murphy
B.S. Weed Transportin'
Everest College, Class of 2010

Life Swap

In June, I decided to give up what most people would consider a normal life in favor of a $400 monthly stipend from the U.S. Olympic Committee and a spot on a couch in the Princeton Catholic Ministry center. The portion of my time not spent training for London 2012 is allotted to meandering on the internet or watching Jersey Shore, so to prevent my brain from getting a spray tan and sprouting a blowout I am starting this blog. Here we go, double rainbow.